Fields of Poetry

I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I've been changed. Yes, really changed
In these past few days when I've seen myself
I seem like someone else . . .

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Warm Up After Months of Hiatus

Seven months has passed since last I have blogged and in those seven months I have struggled with my inner demons, wondering how to improve my situation. Actually, I am pretty well off compared to other people in this time of hardship: staying at home, not working, and relaxing while taking care of my new-born. I gave birth to my son last February. Thank you! I am a proud mom of one of the most adorable infants.

I endured sixteen long hours of labour, which so far, has been the most excruciatingly painful experience I have ever had. The last five hours of Picotin induction sent me reeling from torment and despite the aid of epidural, the level of pain was such that I have never had before, I couldn’t even scream. Nope. My boyfriend (no, we’re not married) told me so. I was so dazed from the pain and medicine that I whispered and groaned. By the sixteenth hour, I gathered what remaining strength I had left to push out a 3.8 kilo baby from my vagina all the while screaming in my head, “I don’t want a ceasarian! I don’t want a ceasarian! I don’t want a ceasarian!!!! Please come out, baby!”

I was successful .

By May, I developed a cyst. I will elaborate more on that later in a separate entry. I was thinking of documenting it three months ago but I wanted to wait it out and experiment to make sure it’s effective first. So far, this is another success story you will hear about in a while.

Anyway, I . . .  am heavily dependent on my parents. They are very forgiving despite their foul mouth and fury, which they only release within closed walls--- BUT! with an adorable grandson that has long been waited for, they couldn’t simply toss us out of the house. Hey, he’s a possible heir to their assets! I am very grateful of my parent’s generosity. However, I would be happier if they wouldn’t emotionally berate, be over bearing and controlling. Well, we can’t have it all, right? Or am I wrong?

Perhaps, if I would just try to be a little nicer and sweeter the way I am to my boyfriend and son then my parents (my mom in particular) would lessen their grip. Or would they? It’s kind of hard trying to change your attitude to someone when you’ve been that way to them for such a long time and vice versa. Although I have noticed my mom is trying her best to be nice on her part. She’s trying so hard it’s almost embarrassing. And a little awkward if I may add.

She has been suggesting that if I were to run my own business, I only have to ask them. Still, I cannot just do that without anything to show them, right?

I’ve been watching several How-To-Do’s on Youtube and other online medias, focusing on baking and coffees and I have thought of several ways to nudge my mom towards a generous pay-check: serve her with a cake using available resources at home or make her coffee with nice decorations—pro-style on it every morning. Will those little acts convince her that I am ready to start my own business? I wonder . . . I have confidence with the technical nuances of a business . . . I just need a little persuasion.

And hey!! Once I get my own business I’ll have more to write and more to experiment on. And hopefully more exposure to successful people who will help me become the best I can be. Cause right now I am surrounded by negative people who thinks they’re oppressed when the truth is, they’re the ones keeping themselves in poor condition.

Upcoming Entries Are:

 1.      Registering your baby in the NSO Muntinlupa, Philippines
 2.      Bartholin’s Cyst: What it is and how I treated it
 3.      Obtaining a Passport (Filipino)
 4.      Registering your baby in Belgium while Offshore.
 5.      Obtaining a Passport (Belgian)
 6.      Taking Care Of a baby 0 to 6 Months Old.

So, I hope you’d check in and read them. They may or may not come in the order as above, just to warn you. I have a lot to catch up on my blogging. See you soon!!!