Fields of Poetry

I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I've been changed. Yes, really changed
In these past few days when I've seen myself
I seem like someone else . . .

Friday, June 24, 2011

The Name of My Angel

I have wanted to draw him for a long time. I finally did it!

My angel guards me day and night
he glows with white and shim'ring light
his long and flowing beard they spread 
down to his knees;   
Or were they indeed his knees . . . ?
My angel soothes me when I'm tense
he builds a shield for my defense
against deleterious clout and verve;
My angel he can calm my nerves.

My angel, he be old and wise
with smoke that trails from his ancient pipe.
I love him for his good advice,
his guidance and his artifice.

I wish I knew, I wish he'd tell
the name he bore with him as well
that I may call him as a friend
from now till Death shall meet my end.


Meet My Mother

My new found advocacy is my e-boyfriend with whom I met on According to him, we've had a few exchanges of words before, though I can hardly remember those times. I never thought that I'd end up falling in love with him, but I did and it was largely due to his courage and determination to take it further. We claimed each other on April 16 of 2011.

A week after we've conversed on Skype, my mother began to suspect my every move and so it was necessary for me to feed her curiosity for my own protection. Had I kept silent, it would have driven her mad so I confessed that I have been communicating with a man online and that I am beginning to fall for him. I sent my mom, my dad and my sister an email introducing him to the family. Still my mom was not convinced and insisted that he come to the Philippines in December to meet with us in person. No sooner than three weeks after, my e-boyfriend booked a flight to the Philippines in December and even then my mom was equivocal.

My mother's scrupulous behavior perturb my diplomacy and so I suggested that she meet him during her trip to France in June. She rebuked me and I was forced to lie to my e-boyfriend saying that my mother decided not to meet. But, 2 days later, during her stay in France,  my mother expressed a change of mind through her blackberry. She said that her friends invited her to go to Belgium and shop there since all shops are closed on Sunday in Paris. It was a twist of fate and since then I am convinced that my e-boyfriend is meant for me.

So my mother met my e-boyfriend in Brussels, Belgium last Sunday, June 19, 2011. For a whole day, my e-boyfriend rode the Hop-On-Hop-Off Bus with my mother and her friends. The last hour, he spent talking to my mother about me. It was a good day and I congratulated and thank my boyfriend for doing me this favor. It was a big leap for us and a good one.

There are more challenges to face and I sure hope we tackle them in no time at all.

Love may cease, if so let it cease
but let Loyalty take a strong hold.

 I love my e-boyfriend enough to call him my boyfriend without the e- .

My E-Boyfriend

Living in the country-side as a member of an acclaimed Golf Club where social classes determine your value as an individual; living under strict surveillance even online triples the effort of finding a significant other. Some may say that chances of meeting with a rich man at a Golf Course are higher than any other place that can only guarantee false hopes. I disagree. In fact, you can meet with a great partner online provided that you are given the freedom to express yourself instead of constantly appointing someone to monitor your activities and limiting your rights to have fun at all.(1) And so, yes, I made a break through! I found my guy online despite my parents' initial response and I am thankful that he has met with my mother in his own country (Belgium), which is by the way, a twist of fate. Thanks to that "Meet My Mother" arrangement it looks like we are given the permission to continue our long-distance-relationship or e-relationship.

So far, so good.
That is until yesterday . . .

I really didn't think of it as much of a deal, but my e-bf was persistent and insisted that I punish him for "wiping the smile off your face". So I punished him. I demanded that he cease all form of communication with me for 2~3 days and so far he has been obedient, but something tells me he's trying other ways to communicate with me.

I know and I am pretty sure that he's asking for his friend's support because one of them, who hardly ever talks to me, suddenly commented on my deviant profile (and yes I am on, but hush!)!! He used the MURO application'(2) and drew a geeky heart emote '<3', which my bf, for sure, passed it through his friend and unto me. So it's a bit of an indirect communication. It's so sweet. Damn. But, a punishment is a punishment! There's one more day to go.

My e-bf also tried to communicate with me by indirectly responding to my video post on facebook! I do miss him and it hurts just as much that I don't get to talk to him so, I listened to a lot of love songs online trying to comfort myself. The one song I posted this morning was "My Boy Lollipop" by Amy WineHouse's God-Daughter, Dionne Bromfield.

In this song, there's a part of the lyrics that goes "You set my world on fire." My e-bf responded to this line on facebook 2 hours later with the song, "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire" by The Ink Spots. My heart melted as I drank San Miguel Beer while listening to it:

Still. He asked for a punishment and I intend on pushing it through. I didn't comment on his post. I remained silent. I do love him, I'd have commented if it had been any other day because it's just damn too sweet that he's trying to communicate with me in this way. It's really sweet. I hope tomorrow ends quickly so we can talk again.

My e-boyfriend was being silly, jealous and needy yesterday morning during our Skype Video Session. And yet, when I gave him the attention he craved, he was allowing himself to get distracted to other things, in this case, other windows on his computer. It made me sad. I wasn't angry, I wasn't mad, but it scared him. He begged me to scold him, get angry, or react in other ways instead of looking sad but I didn't want to. I just didn't see any point in it. I mean, it was obvious he knew why I was sad there's no reason for me to scold him or get mad.

He begged me to punish him. He begged so hard it irritated me so, I did what he asked. This "No Communication" type of punishment is just as bad for me. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, and I can hardly do things with effervescence. My dad and my sister can vouch for that. They don't know the cause, but they can see that I am unreasonably petulant and it's starting to worry them. Still I try to keep it down. Just one more day. Just one more day . . .

I don't want to set the world on fire.
I just want to start a flame in your heart.

I should thank my e-boyfriend for the song later . . .

(1)My mother monitors my activities for some reason. She is obsessed with me, I swear to God it's ridiculous. It's as if she can't rest if she doesn't know what goes on in my life. 
(2)Muro application is an apps on deviantart on which you can draw and send to whomever you wish to send it to on the same site. It's really fun and a great way to play with friends.