Fields of Poetry

I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I've been changed. Yes, really changed
In these past few days when I've seen myself
I seem like someone else . . .

Friday, June 24, 2011

My E-Boyfriend

Living in the country-side as a member of an acclaimed Golf Club where social classes determine your value as an individual; living under strict surveillance even online triples the effort of finding a significant other. Some may say that chances of meeting with a rich man at a Golf Course are higher than any other place that can only guarantee false hopes. I disagree. In fact, you can meet with a great partner online provided that you are given the freedom to express yourself instead of constantly appointing someone to monitor your activities and limiting your rights to have fun at all.(1) And so, yes, I made a break through! I found my guy online despite my parents' initial response and I am thankful that he has met with my mother in his own country (Belgium), which is by the way, a twist of fate. Thanks to that "Meet My Mother" arrangement it looks like we are given the permission to continue our long-distance-relationship or e-relationship.

So far, so good.
That is until yesterday . . .

I really didn't think of it as much of a deal, but my e-bf was persistent and insisted that I punish him for "wiping the smile off your face". So I punished him. I demanded that he cease all form of communication with me for 2~3 days and so far he has been obedient, but something tells me he's trying other ways to communicate with me.

I know and I am pretty sure that he's asking for his friend's support because one of them, who hardly ever talks to me, suddenly commented on my deviant profile (and yes I am on, but hush!)!! He used the MURO application'(2) and drew a geeky heart emote '<3', which my bf, for sure, passed it through his friend and unto me. So it's a bit of an indirect communication. It's so sweet. Damn. But, a punishment is a punishment! There's one more day to go.

My e-bf also tried to communicate with me by indirectly responding to my video post on facebook! I do miss him and it hurts just as much that I don't get to talk to him so, I listened to a lot of love songs online trying to comfort myself. The one song I posted this morning was "My Boy Lollipop" by Amy WineHouse's God-Daughter, Dionne Bromfield.

In this song, there's a part of the lyrics that goes "You set my world on fire." My e-bf responded to this line on facebook 2 hours later with the song, "I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire" by The Ink Spots. My heart melted as I drank San Miguel Beer while listening to it:

Still. He asked for a punishment and I intend on pushing it through. I didn't comment on his post. I remained silent. I do love him, I'd have commented if it had been any other day because it's just damn too sweet that he's trying to communicate with me in this way. It's really sweet. I hope tomorrow ends quickly so we can talk again.

My e-boyfriend was being silly, jealous and needy yesterday morning during our Skype Video Session. And yet, when I gave him the attention he craved, he was allowing himself to get distracted to other things, in this case, other windows on his computer. It made me sad. I wasn't angry, I wasn't mad, but it scared him. He begged me to scold him, get angry, or react in other ways instead of looking sad but I didn't want to. I just didn't see any point in it. I mean, it was obvious he knew why I was sad there's no reason for me to scold him or get mad.

He begged me to punish him. He begged so hard it irritated me so, I did what he asked. This "No Communication" type of punishment is just as bad for me. I can't sleep, I can't concentrate, and I can hardly do things with effervescence. My dad and my sister can vouch for that. They don't know the cause, but they can see that I am unreasonably petulant and it's starting to worry them. Still I try to keep it down. Just one more day. Just one more day . . .

I don't want to set the world on fire.
I just want to start a flame in your heart.

I should thank my e-boyfriend for the song later . . .

(1)My mother monitors my activities for some reason. She is obsessed with me, I swear to God it's ridiculous. It's as if she can't rest if she doesn't know what goes on in my life. 
(2)Muro application is an apps on deviantart on which you can draw and send to whomever you wish to send it to on the same site. It's really fun and a great way to play with friends.

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