Fields of Poetry

I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I've been changed. Yes, really changed
In these past few days when I've seen myself
I seem like someone else . . .

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I Must be a Clairvoyant

There has been many cases throughout the years of my life when I wondered and still do if what my grandmother had said about me were true: This girl (me) is a clairvoyant. She once said to me, sounding like a prophet. I kept asking my grandmother if she ever remember saying it years later but she denied it. Was it just my imagination?

I remember when I was traveling with my parents and my dad's best friend, I claimed to have gone to this island. We were walking through the halls of Ninoy Aquino International Airport, Philippines, pass the tourist advertisements plastered on the walls. My dad's friend, who was looking at them was awestruck by the geography of Bohol -- one of the seven wonders of the world and wondered how nature formed the thousand hills that the locals have called, "Chocolate (Hershey) Hills." I remembered screaming excitedly, "I've been there! It was wonderful!"

My mother snapped at me correctedly repeating, "No, you haven't!"

We fought over it until we arrived home. My mother was furious. I was equally insulted because I sincerely believed that I have been there. I just didn't know when. My mother told me that I must have imagined it.

That was year 1995.

A few months ago, my aunt all of a sudden invited me to join her group of friends to go to Bohol. And I wondered, was it a premonition? My mother was also struck by the coincidence. She had thought of me going to Europe and Africa in the future, but never Bohol.

Nevertheless, I went, wondering what I should find there. I was disappointed except for one: When we rode a boat to these little strips of white sands called the Virgin Islands, I saw a strange sight!

I was walking on a little ahead of my aunt and her friends, when I saw a mysterious head bobbing above the surface of the water. I froze and stared at the thing and it splashed and then it was gone. I yelped, surprised. The others ran after me and asked what happened. I pointed at the sea water and told them what I saw. They smiled and made eerie noises.

"Ooohhh! You saw something!" they teased. "It's going to come after you tonight!"
And they laughed and told me it must have been a dead coconut, floating on the sea water. But something told me it had eyes . . . and it wasn't a coconut.

One of my aunt's friend saw how frightened I was and reassured me that it must have been one of the divers, looking for clams. I was still skeptic for all the wrong reasons but I decided to believe his words and tried to forget it.

That's one of the many strange things that happen that makes me wonder if I am a clairvoyant. Another incident was when I got back home from Japan this year and on the way, I asked my mother how my long forgotten godmother was doing. I asked her out of the blue. My mother wondered why I did when we haven't seen her for almost ten years.

Two weeks later, at our shop (we own a drugstore) my godmother's son came and informed us that my godmother had passed away only a week before. I was shocked. I told my mother and though my mother didn't want to go to my godmother's wake, I insisted. Something told me that she, my godmother wanted us there.

I learned why my mother have avoided meeting with my godmother. My godmother never broke away from poverty and she died poor. My mother didn't like to visit her because she lived in a different world. She tried to tell my godmother to break away from poverty, but my godmother was stubborn and she died from depression and other physical complications.

I saw her in her coffin and I felt bad and I felt frightened, as though she were still alive. I told her that we have come. I told her how much she had changed. We didn't stay very long. My mother and I felt out of place and uncomfortable in the shanties. On the way home, in the car, my mouth involuntarily moved and formed the words, "Thank you." I shivered and tried to say, "You're welcome." And soon after, I relaxed and felt happy. I smiled.

At that moment, my uncle teased, "Your godmother will thank you tonight."

I replied, "She already did."

It was so strange. Even I surprised myself. Am I a clairvoyant?

I must be because I've recently noted that even if my family or people around me never say or speak of the things they feel bad about; even if no one say which person within the room they hate, I could tell. I'd get a serious case of migraine especially when I am in close proximity of the person in question. I would know that something isn't right when I get a headache because I am extra-sensitive to the thoughts of other poeople especially if it's negative.

I must be a clairvoyant.

And because of the possibility that I am, I try my best to avoid unhappy people or unhappy situation because it can seriously damage my health and affect me in undesireable ways.

Monday, November 29, 2010

What are friends?

Aside from them being the most entertaining companion(s) one could ever have, friends are people who will listen to your problems and raise your self-esteem when ever you're despondent. While it remains true that friends could serve as your counselor, abusing that expectation could result to isolation from them.

True friends are indeed supportive, however if one is morbidly consumed with negativity, blind to possibilities and denies any real solution to their current problems or take any significant actions, these friends will leave him/her. It is unfair to see your own life falling apart and lament in front of them and not consider the problems your own friends may have. If they never mention a word of it, perhaps it is too painful for them to even discuss it and that brings to question how serious your problems are in comparison. Perhaps it's not half as bad as their problems and you making a scene of it whenever you meet them or hang out, could annoy them.

You hang out to have fun. You want confessions? Go the Church or a temple, mosques -- whatever your religion is. At Christians and Catholic Churches, they have confession boxes there where you can talk to the priest on how you have sinned by hating your boyfriend/boss/sibling/parents/grandparents/jobs for whatever reasons you may have. Don't expect your friends to listen to your rants about your miserable life, how nothing is going your way, etc., for hours on end. It's just too much responsibility. Your problem has nothing to do with them and they're not responsible for your own happiness. YOU are. If you want to rant, talk to your God. If you're an atheist, talk to a hole on a ground and hope it'll reach the other side of the world where your bad vibes are vanquished like vapor.

So what are friends? Friends are your companions and sometimes they can prove be your life-support when you need it most. Yes. True friends could lend you money, material goods, a roof to sleep in and more with a condition that you can bring your life back on your own two feet. In short, friends are temporary supporters when you're facing a crisis. One must never, ever depend on them for too long. They're not your parents.

Endless Possibilities

I've apparently been blogging off and on for the past 3 years after college and I never knew that I can profit from this activity.  Having realized that I could even earn a smallest salary of $5 a page, I am most eager to start.

I am a blessed child and only recently I've learned to accept that fate: I am blessed with loving and devoted parents who only wants my own happiness and are willing to sacrifice much of their achievements in support of my personal pursuit.  Well, despite my position I seek to earn my own capital even of the smallest income, to gain control of my own life. Having parents who supports you doesn't give you much freedom and are quite stuck to their vision of good life rather than your own.

Sorry mom and dad! I love you both but I really need to earn my own money. So, having said that, I need help.

I want to start blogging and earning at the same time, but I don't know how or where to begin. I thought of creating my own ebooks filled with illustrations that I, myself created. I thought of applying to companies and sell myself as a writer, but I am short of a story to include in my portfolio.

I thought of many things and possibilities and with them came series of obstacles that I have to solve and it's been a nightmare on my part.

Perhaps if I could have someone direct me, step by step, I could avoid straying from my path and be persistent.

What should I do? I could even create short comics and post them online for all to see!

Which should I do? I have so many talents that sometimes I wish I could only do one. It is so much better to be a master of one profession than a jack of all trades.

What to do? Where to start? I am so confused. All I know is that I need to earn capital and I need them fast.

Which talent could I use to achieve that?

Signs of Depression

Must I search for work?
I should; I could
I of golden spoons and silver forks?
I would and I should!

Despite the blessings and the gifts
from the heavens I insist,
that I use my spirits till the day I wilt.
I will!

For though I have no worries or liabilites to date
I have neither power, money or any regulates

So, must I search for work?
I should; I could
I of golden spoons and silver forks?
I would and I should!

For I can't live another day
Wasting all my hours away

And I'm praying for a task with good pay!
Good day!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Surprise Party

My darling mother, surprised was she
When strangers entered our humble abode
"Surprise Ma'm!" sang the five wage earner
And smiling she blew out the wishing taper.

"Oh, what did you wish?
Was it success or love."
"Hush! It's a secret
'tis for the heavens above."

And so the night ended with merriment and content
And away the wage earners, their hours well spent.