I can be deadly honest with people telling them things that has been gnawing through the back of their heads and because of that, I attract more enemies than I do friends. There were times when I would curse my own tongue for speaking and wished that I were mute. There were times when I would console my bruised heart and to tell it to weep silently.
I try restraint on my verbal tendencies to attack. It's hard. It is especially hard when the people I bashed, and rightly so, wins the majority's vote and I am cast to the side like an outsider.
Always? No, not always. I cannot be honest all the time. I have to either keep my silence or refrain from giving unsolicited advice. Even in the corporate world, or whatever job you do, you cannot ensure that your honesty will win you a promotion. Sometimes even the boss of your company admits to illegal activity. My father once told me of this acquaintance he met in New York.
He said he caught his manager doing illegal activity, which is against the company's policies. Instead of confronting the manager, he went directly to the boss. He was surprised to discover that even his boss was doing the same. He was fired that same day.
Luckily for that man, he found another job in another city and he swore to never speak until he finds the truth because 'Honesty' does not always equal to the 'Truth'. My father said that it is necessary for people like myself to adorn a mask and pretend to not see the injustices that's smothering the world.
"You will only hurt yourself more." he worried.
It's difficult for me. I fight the urge to speak for I was raised to voice out. It seems that to voice out for insignificant people like myself is to lose to the people who played by the rules: take whatever you can take. Sometimes I think the messages that the world gives are misleading and they often proved useless.
I am no Mahatma Ghandi. I am not Mother Teresa. I am not Jesus Christ or Princess Diana. The only thing I desire in this world is to survive and be happy. If silence and cordiality will protect me, I will practice it and practice it hard.